It's a little crazy, all the emotions entangled and entwined though out the course of the mission life. The "Bi-Polar Roller Coaster of Emotions," as it's been referred to by a few of the VIDES+USA volunteers, and there's no stopping on this ride.
I am now in Campana (Buenos Aires which is one of the twenty-one provinces of Argentina) about one hour outside of the Federal Capital, Buenos Aires, where I've been working, living and learning for the past month and a half, since I arrived the August 6, 2011. Heres to a little catchin' up...
For the past 6 months, I’ve worked to make Hogar Casa Main my new home. Digging into the heart of what this place really is about and how I can truly be of service to the girls and the Sister’s and how they, in return, can help me to learn and grow in life experiences, and in Christ’s love. But I could have never imagined the type of change I’ve seen in these girls, big and small, and the changes I have been able to make in myself.
I learned how to take interest in things that are worth my while. To focus my time and energy on the important things, and leave the rest behind. I learned that the girl’s are really the treasure, and to learn to spend as much time possible passing the time together and just sharing LIFE. Life is too short (and mission especially) to dwell on your own understandings, and to, “...let the sun go down upon your anger.”
I have had to battle with quite a few demons throughout these 6 months. It was like every month was a different theme; homesickness, anger, weakness (physically, emotionally and mentally), fear, pessimistic and judgmental thoughts & actions, frustration, resentfulness, among many others. "Normal" struggles throughout life, but in a much shorter and potent time period. But through each of those struggles, I can say, that I learned something about myself by making it thorough each battle. And most of all, I learned to get out of the way of myself (in a timely fashion) in order to allow more time to love and cherish each and everyone of these absolutely Uh-may-zing girls.
To recap, as many of you know and if you read my last blog, one of my major battles was with my Bolivian visa. I started the process in December 2010, and continued to work for it up until mid May 2011. I tried as hard as I possibly could in order to get this thing figured out. Until I came to my physical, emotional and mental limit. The easiest way I can explain it is like this: The Bolivian Government asked for certain requirements, I did those requirements, and then when I was ready to apply, the requirements would suddenly change. For example, I had two pieces of papers that had to be “legalized” (I loath this word now). This “legalization” process meant that these papers had to be sent through the Washington Secretary of State, the Secretary of State Hilary Clinton’s office, and then the Bolivian consulate in Washington D.C., all of which costing time, energy and a very pretty penn.
God Bless my Dad for taking on the challenge of helping me do all this, since it was logistically impossible to be done by myself while I was in Bolivia. Once I finally got everything in order and my Father sent all the paperwork out, I found out that the requirements had changed. Meaning everything that I had just put myself and my poor Father through, was for nothing. Literally. These papers weren’t required anymore, and were of no use to me. Least to say, I had enough, and mentally couldn’t handle the thought of starting over again. And that's when I knew I had to make the change I was trying to avoid since February, and come to terms with the one thing I couldn't fathom having to do, leaving Bolivia and the over 115 relationships I worked so hard at, leaving the all the girls that I loved like my own, 6 whole months too early.
God Bless my Dad for taking on the challenge of helping me do all this, since it was logistically impossible to be done by myself while I was in Bolivia. Once I finally got everything in order and my Father sent all the paperwork out, I found out that the requirements had changed. Meaning everything that I had just put myself and my poor Father through, was for nothing. Literally. These papers weren’t required anymore, and were of no use to me. Least to say, I had enough, and mentally couldn’t handle the thought of starting over again. And that's when I knew I had to make the change I was trying to avoid since February, and come to terms with the one thing I couldn't fathom having to do, leaving Bolivia and the over 115 relationships I worked so hard at, leaving the all the girls that I loved like my own, 6 whole months too early.
So here we are up to date, 3 months later. And I have to state for the record that those 2 and a half months without the stress, worry, preoccupations, anxiety and wasted time with my Visa were one-thousand times better (quality) than 12 months dealing with my visa problems (quantity). I was able to become completely present; not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I honestly hadn’t realized what a toll this whole process had taken on me, but PTL (Praise The Lord) I was able to find a quality experience, sooner, rather than later.
My time came to an end much too quickly in Bolivia. Besides not being emotionally ready to leave, I wasn't physically ready to leave, left everything for the last day and that day went by so fast, that while I was trying to get all of my last goodbye hugs and kisses, the truck had to drive away, because that was the only way they could get me away from my girls. It was really really difficult to say the least, as you can imagine. And i'm still recuperating.
So as hard as it was to have to cut my original time in half, leave my girls, my life and all that I knew at Hogar Casa MaĆn in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, I knew that I was being called to a new place, not relying on my own understanding but relying on the faith that the Lord, Jesus Christ, has my life, my heart and my path in his hands, and that’s what has gotten me through up until now; September 19th, 2011, one and a half months into my completely brand new, totally transformed, mission experience in Campana, Buenos Aires, Argentina.
To be continued...